Wednesday, February 23, 2005


Hunter S. Thompson's Eulogy for Richard Nixon

Rolling Stone
'He was a crook'
Jun 16, 1994


DATE: MAY 1, 1994




"And he cried mightily with a strong voice, saying Babylon the great is fallen, is fallen, and is becoming the habitation of devils, and the hold of every foul spirit and a cage of every unclean and hateful bird."--REVELATION 18:2

Richard Nixon is gone now and I am poorer for it. He was the real thing--a political monster straight out of Grendel and a very dangerous enemy. He could shake your hand and stab you in the back at the same time. He lied to his friends and betrayed the trust of his family. Not even Gerald Ford, the unhappy ex-president who pardoned Nixon and kept him out of prison, was immune to the evil fallout. Ford, who believes strongly in Heaven and Hell, has told more than one of his celebrity golf partners that I know I will go to hell, because I pardoned Richard Nixon."

I have had my own bloody relationship with Nixon for many years, but I am not worried about it landing me in hell with him. I have already been there with that bastard, and I am a better person for it. Nixon had the unique ability to make his enemies seem honorable, and we developed a keen sense of fraternity. Some of my best friends have hated Nixon all their lives. My mother hates Nixon, my son hates Nixon, I hate Nixon, and this hatred has brought us together.

Nixon laughed when I told him this. "Don't worry," he said. "I, too, am a family man, and we feel the same way about you."

It was Richard Nixon who got me into politics, and now that he's gone, I feel lonely. He was a giant in his way. As long as Nixon was politically alive--and he was, all theway to the end--we could always be sure of finding the enemy on the Low Road. There was no need to look anywhere else for the evil bastard. He had the fighting instincts of a badger trapped by hounds. The badger will roll over on its back and emit a smell of death, which confuses the dogs and lures them in for the traditional ripping and tearing action. But it is usually the badger who does the ripping and tearing. It is a beast that fights best on its back: rolling under the throat of the enemy and seizing it by the head with all four claws.

That was Nixon's style--and if you forgot, he would kill you as a lesson to the others. Badgers don't fight fair, bubba. That's why God made dachshunds.


If the right people had been in charge of Nixon's funeral, his casket would have been launched into one of those open-sewage canals that empty into the ocean just south of Los Angeles. He was a swine of a man and a jabbering dupe of a president. Nixon was so crooked that he needed servants to help him screw his pants on every morning. Even his funeral was illegal. He was queer in the deepest way. His body should have been burned in a trash bin.

These are harsh words for a man only recently canonized by President Clinton and my old friend George McGovern--but I have written worse things about Nixon, many times, and the record will show that I kicked him repeatedly long before he went down. I beat him like a mad dog with mange every time I got a chance, and I am proud of it. He was scum.

Let there be no mistake in the history books about that. Richard Nixon was an evil man--evil in a way that only those who believe in the physical reality of the Devil can understand it. He was utterly without ethics or morals or any bedrock sense of decency. Nobody trusted him--except maybe the Stalinist Chinese, and honest historians will remember him mainly as a rat who kept scrambling to get back on the ship.

Some people will say that words like scum and rotten are wrong for Objective Journalism--which is true, but they miss the point. It was the built-in blind spots of the Objective rules and dogma that allowed Nixon to slither into the White House in the first place. He looked so good on paper that you could almost vote for him sight unseen. He seemed so all-American, so much like Horatio Alger, that he was able to slip through the cracks of Objective Journalism. You had to get Subjective to see Nixon clearly, and the shock of recognition was often painful.

Tuesday, February 22, 2005


Latest Republican Agit-Prop

Who knew that AARP hated U.S. troops & loved gays?

Thursday, February 10, 2005


From Thursday's Washington Post

Montgomery Animal Watch
Thursday, February 10, 2005
The following were among cases received recently by the Montgomery County Animal Services Division:
Series of Unfortunate Cat Events GERMANTOWN, 21000 block, Jan. 27.
A cat's head became stuck inside a can of clam chowder. A woman in a nearby vehicle saw the cat in distress and got out to help. She was able to pull the can off the cat's head without harm, but the frightened cat scratched her on the arm, ran and leapt into her car. She tried unsuccessfully to coax the cat out and called Animal Services, which provided her with a humane trap. The woman put the trap in her car, but the cat opted to jump from an open car window and escaped. The woman was referred to the Montgomery County Health Department for rabies risk evaluation.


Tom Boswell is a big fat idiot!

Good old Boz, the groundhog of the Washington Post, who after spending the last thirty-four years seeing his shadow and annually deciding that Major League Baseball was imminently returning to Washington, has now taken up the cudgels for MLB against Jose Canseco.

Canseco, one of the more despicable idiots to play our national past-time, has outed several ballplayers as users of illegal steroids. Boswell in his February 8 column asks the pointed question:

[Canseco] The former slugger lied for years about his own steroid use, so why would we suddenly believe he's telling the truth when he smears Mark McGwire, Ivan Rodriguez, Rafael Palmeiro and Juan Gonzalez with accusations of being juiced?

Perhaps we should believe him because he was a steroid user.

It is rare when a person of high moral fiber and impeccable reputation rats out his friends and/or co-workers. Noted authority on rats, Joe Valachi, the Mafia informer, said:

In the circle in which I travel, a dumb man is more dangerous than a hundred rats.

Valachi was eminently qualified in this area because he was dumb as well as a rat. He also said:

You can imagine my embarrassment when I killed the wrong guy.

Sammy "the Bull" Gravano, another Mafia rat, admitted to playing a part in the murder of 19 people. The Bull's testimony helped send John Gotti, Vincent "the Chin" Gigante, Thomas Gambino, and numerous other "pillars of the community" to federal penitentiaries. John Dean, Richard Nixon's in-house shyster, testified before the Senate Watergate committee as to his boss' various criminal conspiracies (in which he, Dean, took an active role) and helped (thankfully) drive him from office. In short, squealers are not normally members of the Little Sisters of the Poor; they are slimy creatures who turn on their own kind in exchange for immunity from prosecution, money, fame, or all of the above.

But Boz doesn't see this obvious truth, he says:

Whether the claims are true or not, Canseco's motives are so tainted that his charges are doubly suspect. In a court of law, his testimony would be wildly inadmissible. But even in our current slipshod court of public opinion, he may find that his scattershot charges may be mocked.

No, Canseco's claims would admissible in a court of law, particularly his eyewitness testimony that he, personally, helped St. Mark McGwire shoot up with steroids in a bathroom stall.

Boz hastens to defend McGwire an admitted user of the now banned substance andro, a steroid precursor, because Canseco is a bad man (a convicted wife-beater) who used steroids himself. I am reminded of the furor that occurred in 1970 when Jim Bouton in his book Ball Four exposed St. Mickey Mantle as an amphetamine popping, alcoholic lout. Bouton was attacked viciously as a liar, a drunk, and a washed-up pitcher exposing his Yankee teammates for money (He wasn't invited back to Yankee Stadium until 1998). Perhaps Bouton who has been vindicated in his accusations over the years should have been consulted by Boz on steroid use. When asked if the number of players using steroids surprised him, he replied:

No, not at all. How could I be surprised? In the 1970s, half of the guys in the big leagues were taking greenies, and if we had steroids, we would have taken those, too. I said in "Ball Four," if there was a pill that could guarantee you would win 20 games but would take five years off of your life, players would take it. The only thing I didn't know at the time was the name.

Boz, wake up and smell the coffee. Baseball is back in Washington (at last) and baseball players have and will cheat if given the opportunity.

Wednesday, February 09, 2005


Tort Reform

Many years ago, in a galaxy far, far away, I was a practicing attorney. So, yesterday, I had more than a passing interest in the Senate committee hearing on tort reform broadcast on
C-Span radio. (Yeah, I know, I'm a news junky). Several witnesses testified about the effects of the California tort reform system. California adopted a $250,000 cap on non-economic loss i(that is "pain and suffering") in 1975 (it has never been adjusted for inflation). Prominently featured at the hearing was the Olsen family whose 12 year old son was left blind and brain damaged due to egregious medical malpractice. Though a California jury awarded the Olsens $7,000,000 (they were not allowed to be informed of the cap), the award was reduced by the trial judge to the statutory maximum of $250,000.

Our Beloved Leader has argued that malpractice litigation is one of the prime reasons for the high cost of medical care in the U.S. I don't understand this.

First, the number of doctors has increased in every state of the union 1996 in both absolute terms and per 100,000 of population.

Second, malpractice insurance rates have increased 190% in California since the adoption of the $250,000 cap. In fact, in every state where economic caps have been adopted malpractice insurance rates have increased not decreased.

Third, the Congressional Budget Office has found that so-called defensive medicine (i.e. unnecessary tests) is primarily motivated by the income it generates for doctors not fears of malpractice claims.

I know that plaintiff's attorneys are not all spotless knights in search of truth and justice for their clients. I also know that most physicians are not hurting for money. It's been awhile since I've seen a doctor moonlighting as a greeter at the local Wal-Mart. But I have never heard the White House criticize either doctors or insurance companies or insurance brokers.

You might remember that Marsh & McLennan, the nation's largest insurance broker, agreed to settle a lawsuit by refunding $850,000,000 to their customers and apologizing for bid rigging of its contingent fees last week. This law suit was brought by the New York Attorney General Eliot Spitzer, not the Justice Department. Aon Corp. the country's second largest insurance broker announced today that it has set aside $50,000,000 to settle any potential lawsuit concerning its contingent fees.

I don't understand why contingent fees by plaintiff's attorneys are inherently evil and contingent fees charged by insurance brokers which have a clear and direct impact on the price of liability insurance are ignored by the White House. If malpractice insurance is such a clear contributor to the cost of health care, shouldn't the federal government take action?


Psychic Mindreader

I have to admit that it took me 3 times to figure this out. Try it and be amazed!

Wednesday, February 02, 2005


Blue Jay: Smarter than Pond Scum?
(Click to enlarge)

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