Friday, April 29, 2005

 

Maybe he left his hair at home...

Gary Handleman, JHU '72, is featured in a Kid's Post Article http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2005/04/28/AR2005042801500.html today in the Washington Post. Gary is the senior vice-president of facilities for the MCI Center (home of the Wizards & once and future home of the Capitols). For old geezers like me he's remembered as a stand-out middie and has the distinction of being, as far as I know, the only JHU player drafted by a pro basketball team. He was drafted by the Baltimore Bullets (in round 15). Note: to our younger readers, there used to be a lot more rounds to the draft, and the Washington Wizards used to be the Baltimore Bullets). Somehow Julius Erving and Bob McAdoo managed to get drafted before him. The only disturbing thing about the article in the print version is Gary's picture. He appears to be bald. He can't be that old. It must have been some kind of radiation accident. I can remember his full head of hair, just yesterday. Or maybe it was 1972...

Thursday, April 28, 2005

 

STACKED II

Last night, I finally got a chance to view STACKED, Pam Anderson's new show set in a small independent bookstore (On TV the coffee bar is always bigger than the bookstore). We all knew from the infamous Pam-Tommy Lee video that she sucked. Guess what? Her show sucks, too.

 

KEEPING HIS EYE ON THE BALL


Midfielder, Jonathan G. (#44), gets ready to catch a pass in yesterday's hard-fought Linganore vs. Damascus lacrosse game. Last week versus Middletown, Jonathan had a goal and an assist.

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

 

Jenna & Barbara Bush Celebrate Doubles Win!


Jenna & Barbara Celebrate Victory

 

Jenna & Barbara Dump Bar Hopping for Tennis

My Way News: "PIKESVILLE, Md. (AP) - First daughters, Jenna and Barbara Bush, somehow got loose and wandered around an upscale neighborhood Tuesday, disrupting traffic and alarming homeowners before officers managed to corral them in a tennis court.
More than a dozen police cars and a police helicopter were used to herd the beasts, authorities said.
'Somehow they figured it out; I've got to give a lot of credit to the creativity of our officers,' police spokesman Shawn Vinson said.
The officers used lounge chairs beside the tennis court as shields and formed a human chain to corral the wayward buffalo. One buffalo was seen leaping over one of the tennis nets in an effort to evade capture.
Police shut down several major traffic arteries, including a section of the Baltimore Beltway, while they tried to anticipate which way the buffalo would roam.
Officers eventually managed to maneuver the buffalo onto the tennis court about a mile from where they first were spotted. "

Monday, April 25, 2005

 

She not only sucks, she stacks!


Pam Anderson as a typical female book clerk

 

STACKED

I (and some of my readers) have actually worked in a bookstore(s).

Unfortunately I missed the premiere of "Stacked" last Wednesday. It was TV Turn-off Week at my son's school and out of solidarity with his vow to refrain from TV(successful I might add), Frau Bluejay & I didn't watch any (much) television.

The premise of "Stacked" (as I understand it) is that Pamela Anderson is employed as a book clerk at a family run bookstore. I believe this to be a gritty docudrama uncovering a typical bookstore employee and her typical workday. Fox provides the following synopsis of episode two: "Skyler arrives on time for her first day of work hung-over and scantily clad..." FOX Broadcasting Company: STACKED

God! How it all comes back to me now! Scantily clad bimboes arriving at work hung-over, nymphs bending over shelving books, bacchanalia in the returns & receiving area...its like it was yesterday. I just can't wait to watch.

On a more serious note, the Fox website proudly boasts that all books on the shelve are actual books published by Harper Collins (and proud we are of them) that are currently listed "high on the New York Times bestseller's list". Of course, in real life, we know that bookstores carry books by more than one publishing house. The realism of "Stacked" has been compromised in the interest of product placement!
How can an artist like Pam sell out?

 

Just in time for Passover! JibJab's Matzah Rap

AtomFilms - JibJab's Matzah!

 

This Would Make a Good Hitchcockesque Thriller

Courtesy of Majikthise: "A truly bizarre saga, permalinked for your delectation. Woman steals across Atlantic for a clandestine facelift, only to meet a tragic end in the office of a socialite surgeon with 33 previous malpractice suits and no hospital privileges..

The Irish Patient and Dr. Lawsuit [NYT permalink]

WHEN Liam Cregan got a call from the Irish Consulate in New York on March 15, telling him that his wife, Kathleen Kelly Cregan, was in critical condition at St. Luke's-Roosevelt Hospital, he thought it had to be a mistake, that someone had stolen her passport.

Mrs. Cregan had left her home in rural Ireland two days before, telling her husband, a farmer and part-time plumber, that she would be attending a business course in Dublin.

In fact she had flown to the United States to have a face-lift performed by Dr. Michael E. Sachs in his offices on Central Park South. Hours after surgery she went into cardiac arrest and was rushed to the hospital.

There, on March 17, with her husband and two sisters at her side, Mrs. Cregan, 42 and the mother of two young sons, was taken off life support and died. Her death is under investigation by the New York State Health Department. An autopsy was inconclusive, and the New York City medical examiner is awaiting toxicology reports that might explain what went wrong.

But from the time of her death her family had a simpler question: How did a farmer's wife from outside Limerick meet her end in such an improbable place? [...]"

 

In the interests of non-discrimination TSA makes no exceptions!


"I really had a hard time taking off my shoes"

Sunday, April 24, 2005

 

Calamari Again! Hopkins Fries the Squids for the 31st Time

Johns Hopkins senior midfielder Kyle Harrison (Baltimore, MD/Friends) scored a career-high five goals, including the game-winner 1:37 into overtime, to lift the top-ranked Blue Jays to a 9-8 come-from-behind victory over fifth-ranked Navy Saturday afternoon. The Blue Jays improve to 10-0 on the year, run their home winning streak to 33 games and their winning streak over Navy to 31 games with the victory. Navy had its two-game winning streak snapped and falls to 9-3.

 

The Real Reason We Haven't Caught Osama

In case you didn't know, the reason that we haven't caught Osama is that we have women in the army. If we had become more like the Taliban and kept women in their rightful place, we would have got him at Tora Bora. The Conservative Voice - News

 

TED NUGENT SUCKS!

I don't expect consistency from rock & roll musicians. I do expect a modicum of honesty. Ted Nugent the darling of the right wing, is a a draft dodger. Despite his "Remember the Alamo! rhetoric:

"Remember the Alamo! Shoot 'em! To show you how radical I am, I want carjackers dead. I want rapists dead. I want burglars dead. I want child molesters dead. I want the bad guys dead. No court case. No parole. No early release. I want 'em dead. Get a gun and when they attack you, shoot 'em." ABC News: Ted Nugent to Fellow NRAers: Get Hardcore

Ted is another chickenhawk. He claims that 30 days before his draft board physical for the Viet Nam war, he stopped all forms of personal hygiene. The last 10 days, he ingested nothing but Vienna sausages and Pepsi; and a week before his physical, he stopped using bathrooms altogether, virtually living inside pants caked with his own excrement, stained by his urine. That spectacle won Nugent a deferment, he says. "... but if I would have gone over there, I'd have been killed, or I'd have killed, or I'd killed all the hippies in the foxholes...I would have killed everybody." - Detroit Free Press Magazine , July 15, 1990 http://www.answers.com/topic/ted-nugent

"Cat Scratch Fever" sucks, too.

Friday, April 08, 2005

 

HOPKINS BEATS DUKE 11-1O DOUBLE OVER-TIME

In an incredible game, the Johns Hopkins Bluejays beat the Duke Blue Devils 11-10 in the second over-time period. Hopkins is now 8-0. It was also Hopkins 32nd consecutive win at home. The Hopkins seniors have never lost a home lacrosse game!

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

 

HOPKINS VS. DUKE (LAX #1 vs. #2)

Friday, April 8 at 8:00, The #1 Hopkins Bluejays play the #2 Duke Blue Devils. It should be quite a game. Duke has an incredible offense, featuring one of my former students, Peter Lamade. Hopkins has an incredible defense and experienced team. It's on Baltimore ABC 2 for those readers in Maryland.

 

This is the Best of all Possible Worlds

The optimist thinks that this is the best of all possible worlds; the pessimist knows that it is.--Ambrose Bierce

Isn't it fascinating...

From reading today's news: the war in Iraq is over, the war in Afghanistan is over, Terri Schiavo has no problems, the social security crisis seems to be solved. I guess Osama Bin Laden (whoever he was) must have been captured. At least, there's nothing in the news about any of that crap...

The only problems seem to be electing a new pope and burying Saul Bellow and Prince Rainier.

I'm glad all that other stuff is over...

 

Stupid Quiz Time

The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and will tell you whether you are qualified to be a professional. Scroll down for each answer. The questions are NOT that difficult.

1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?




The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door.

2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?




Did you say, Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the refrigerator?
Wrong Answer.
Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door.

3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend... except one. Which animal does not attend?




Correct Answer: The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just put him in there. This tests your memory.
Okay, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities.

4. There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and you do not have a boat. How do you manage it?




Correct Answer: You jump into the river and swim across.
Have you not been listening?
All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting.


According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the professionals they tested got all questions wrong, but many preschoolers got several correct answers. Anderson Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most professionals have the brains of a four-year-old.

Espresso Sarcasm: Stupid Quiz Time

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

 

Despite Budget Cut-backs NASA Makes Amazing Discovery!


Water on Mars!

 

How would you like to own Iraq?

Shades of Dr. No. A Dubai development firm is creating a chain of 300 artificial islands in the Persian Gulf that form, in rough outline shape, all the continents of the world. See, Welcome to The World Each island is designated by the name of a country or region. For example, you can purchase an 2.4 hectacre island named Iraq. (If you visit their site, you gotta check out the "Master Plan") You can buy Virginia, Texas, or Illinois, but there is no Maryland. (It must have sunk because the legislature didn't approve slot machines.)

I also love the registration form. One has to designate the continent and island one is interested in as well as the "intended purpose" for your island (No, Doro, world domination is not one of the choices).

Monday, April 04, 2005

 

F**K VONAGE

I was intrigued by Vonage, the internet phone company. The thought of not being chained to any of the companies that annoyed me for years via telemarketing or TV commercials (MCI, Verizon, Sprint, etc.) was appealing. However, I can hardly go to a web-site (even with my pop-up blocker on) without being assaulted by Vonage. Screw them. It'll be a cold day in Hell before I use them.

Sunday, April 03, 2005

 

The Bluejay celebrates a win over the Tarheels

Friday, April 01, 2005

 

Kind of sums up my Feelings Exactly

Robert Friedman in the St. Petersburg Times has hit the nail(s) on the head. Columns: Living will is the best revenge:

Like many of you, I have been compelled by recent events to prepare a more detailed advance directive dealing with end-of-life issues. Here's what mine says:
* In the event I lapse into a persistent vegetative state, I want medical authorities to resort to extraordinary means to prolong my hellish semiexistence. Fifteen years wouldn't be long enough for me.
* I want my wife and my parents to compound their misery by engaging in a bitter and protracted feud that depletes their emotions and their bank accounts.
* I want my wife to ruin the rest of her life by maintaining an interminable vigil at my bedside. I'd be really jealous if she waited less than a decade to start dating again or otherwise rebuilding a semblance of a normal life.
* I want my case to be turned into a circus by losers and crackpots from around the country who hope to bring meaning to their empty lives by investing the same transient emotion in me that they once reserved for Laci Peterson, Chandra Levy and that little girl who got stuck in a well.
* I want those crackpots to spread vicious lies about my wife.
* I want to be placed in a hospice where protesters can gather to bring further grief and disruption to the lives of dozens of dying patients and families whose stories are sadder than my own.
* I want the people who attach themselves to my case because of their deep devotion to the sanctity of life to make death threats against any judges, elected officials or health care professionals who disagree with them.
* I want the medical geniuses and philosopher kings who populate the Florida Legislature to ignore me for more than a decade and then turn my case into a forum for weeks of politically calculated bloviation.
* I want total strangers - oily politicians, maudlin news anchors, ersatz friars and all other hangers-on - to start calling me "Bobby," as if they had known me since childhood.
* I'm not insisting on this as part of my directive, but it would be nice if Congress passed a "Bobby's Law" that applied only to me and ignored the medical needs of tens of millions of other Americans without adequate health coverage.
* Even if the "Bobby's Law" idea doesn't work out, I want Congress - especially all those self-described conservatives who claim to believe in "less government and more freedom" - to trample on the decisions of doctors, judges and other experts who actually know something about my case. And I want members of Congress to launch into an extended debate that gives them another excuse to avoid pesky issues such as national security and the economy.
* In particular, I want House Majority Leader Tom DeLay to use my case as an opportunity to divert the country's attention from the mounting political and legal troubles stemming from his slimy misbehavior.
* And I want Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist to make a mockery of his Harvard medical degree by misrepresenting the details of my case in ways that might give a boost to his 2008 presidential campaign.
* I want Frist and the rest of the world to judge my medical condition on the basis of a snippet of dated and demeaning videotape that should have remained private.
* Because I think I would retain my sense of humor even in a persistent vegetative state, I'd want President Bush - the same guy who publicly mocked Karla Faye Tucker when signing off on her death warrant as governor of Texas - to claim he was intervening in my case because it is always best "to err on the side of life."
* I want the state Department of Children and Families to step in at the last moment to take responsibility for my well-being, because nothing bad could ever happen to anyone under DCF's care.
* And because Gov. Jeb Bush is the smartest and most righteous human being on the face of the Earth, I want any and all of the aforementioned directives to be disregarded if the governor happens to disagree with them. If he says he knows what's best for me, I won't be in any position to argue.
Robert Friedman is editor of Perspective. He can be reached at friedman@sptimes.com

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